When I embarked on this crazy idea, it worked well to have people choosing the guys for me on Match. It allowed me to "wink" at people I wouldn't necessarily have been interested in before. It meant that the perceived rejection when the winks weren't returned was diminshed. I didn't feel the sting that I might have otherwise, because "this wasn't my choice anyway."
It became a bit addictive, how many people could I find that might catch my attention. But after reading enough profiles I realized that winking wasn't good enough. I took another step... emailing. I started small, sending a few emails to the ones that really stood out and just winking at others. I would occasionally get a wink back or an email here and there, but it wasn't turning into much. I changed gears again... more emails. Next thing I knew I was one of those serial emailers! Where did I lose control of this situation?
On the other hand, what's interesting is that the site seems to pay attention to my activity level because when I am sending more emails, I seem to be getting more winks and emails from others too. Maybe serial emailing isn't so bad after all.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Sunday, October 9, 2011
But, why?
When it's time for a rejection, what's the best way to go about it? Personally, I understand that life or interests or attraction all play a part in whether a match is going to work, so I prefer to hear a nice dismissal. At least then I know it's time to move on and I have my own closure on the matter. But what happens when even a polite "no" doesn't get the message through.
Case #1: The Socially Challenged
After I sent a "thanks, but no thanks" email to someone who emailed me on Match (for many reasons I was not interested in this person but wanted to be polite), I immediately received another email that simply stated: "But why?" I wasn't sure if I should feel sorry for this clearly confused individual or if I should be so aggravated with the complete disregard for my attempt at a polite let down.
Did he really think that sending the last question was a good idea or was it just an uncontrolled impulse? Was he really thinking he might change my mind? In what possible scenario would this tact ever actually work? I chose not to respond and get goaded into a ridiculous argument. But in my head I was definitely listing the many reasons that it would never work.
Case #2: The Text Messager
I realize I'm a bit old school, I prefer not to have an entire relationship through text messages. I think it's a great way to get in touch with someone when there isn't a better option (loud bar, out with friends, etc) but it's only going to get so far.
Another recent email exchange led to someone getting my phone number. Shortly afterwards, the text messaging began. At first I went along with it. Then I politely encouraged him to call me because I'm not into texting. The texting went on. Finally I sent a nice message that said he should call and if he didn't want to call, I wished him luck with his search. I didn't really mince my words on that one. He called that night at 11:30p. I was asleep. He said he would call back the next day. He never did. (I wasn't extremely devastated.)
Two weeks later, I got another text message ("Hi"). I ignored it (call or don't, that's it). Four days later I got another text message ("Hey there...how are you?"). I ignored this one too. The funny thing is, if he had called, I probably would have answered and been more than happy to have a conversation. Last night at midnight, one month after the last message I ignored, I got another text ("Want to meet for a drink?"). I had deleted his number but fortunately for me, my phone organizes conversations so I still knew who it was. Wow, now I'm slightly curious to see how long these unanswered text messages continue. I think I dodged a bullet with this one.
If a simple "Thanks, but no thanks" doesn't work and it is followed by blatantly ignoring you, am I entitled to call it like I see it?
Case #1: The Socially Challenged
After I sent a "thanks, but no thanks" email to someone who emailed me on Match (for many reasons I was not interested in this person but wanted to be polite), I immediately received another email that simply stated: "But why?" I wasn't sure if I should feel sorry for this clearly confused individual or if I should be so aggravated with the complete disregard for my attempt at a polite let down.
Did he really think that sending the last question was a good idea or was it just an uncontrolled impulse? Was he really thinking he might change my mind? In what possible scenario would this tact ever actually work? I chose not to respond and get goaded into a ridiculous argument. But in my head I was definitely listing the many reasons that it would never work.
Case #2: The Text Messager
I realize I'm a bit old school, I prefer not to have an entire relationship through text messages. I think it's a great way to get in touch with someone when there isn't a better option (loud bar, out with friends, etc) but it's only going to get so far.
Another recent email exchange led to someone getting my phone number. Shortly afterwards, the text messaging began. At first I went along with it. Then I politely encouraged him to call me because I'm not into texting. The texting went on. Finally I sent a nice message that said he should call and if he didn't want to call, I wished him luck with his search. I didn't really mince my words on that one. He called that night at 11:30p. I was asleep. He said he would call back the next day. He never did. (I wasn't extremely devastated.)
Two weeks later, I got another text message ("Hi"). I ignored it (call or don't, that's it). Four days later I got another text message ("Hey there...how are you?"). I ignored this one too. The funny thing is, if he had called, I probably would have answered and been more than happy to have a conversation. Last night at midnight, one month after the last message I ignored, I got another text ("Want to meet for a drink?"). I had deleted his number but fortunately for me, my phone organizes conversations so I still knew who it was. Wow, now I'm slightly curious to see how long these unanswered text messages continue. I think I dodged a bullet with this one.
If a simple "Thanks, but no thanks" doesn't work and it is followed by blatantly ignoring you, am I entitled to call it like I see it?
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