My Top 10 List

As I've said before, I don't have a list of what the perfect man will be (or not be) but there are a few things that I would expect:

1. Attractive. This is my biggest issue with online dating. A picture just doesn't give me enough information for me to decide if this is someone I am attracted too, there's definitely more that goes into it than looks. However, it's a start.
2. No smoking. I don't think I need to elaborate on this one.  Non-smokers, you understand.
3. Responsible.  I'm in my 30s now. I'm not looking for someone who is still living at home, not capable of holding a long term job, or who lives beyond their means. Even with my chaotic life I still have those things going for me.
4. Single. I am not looking for drama.  If he's not single, I'm not interested.
5. Honest and Trustworthy. I think this is reasonable to expect from anyone and should go without saying.  Unfortunately, I'm not sure that it always does.
6. Fun (and funny). I love to laugh. If he isn't going to join me in this, I might have to grow up too fast and that just doesn't sound like fun.
7. Active. I don't need him to have a soccer player physique (although, that wouldn't hurt) but I do want someone that is going to be able to keep up.
8. Versatile. I enjoy playing in the mud and rain as much as going to a museum or wine tasting. I need him to be comfortable with it all.  Even if not at first, he should at least be willing to try.
9. Easy-going. My family is intense to say the least and I can be too. I want someone that won't be perturbed by it all.
10. Intelligent and Interesting. This goes to the whole conversation thing.  As in, I want one.  A good one that is more than just you listening to me prattle on or vice versa.  I love learning, even now years past school. I may not remember everything I learn, but it doesn't diminish my desire to learn more.

Ok, one more:  11. I want to have a spark.  I don't expect fireworks but I want to connect to the person. It's a lot to ask and it sets the bar pretty high with that requirement alone, but I've found it before and I hope to find it again.

A Picture (or a Profile) is Worth 1000 Words

In the beginning I love looking at profiles trying to decide if I could picture myself with this profile and image.  But then I find myself starting to get more and more critical to find the differences:

Did he just write "lol" in his profile? Moving on.
Urgh, if I sent him a message with a red-lined version of his own profile do you think he would be offended or appreciative? Moving on.
No political conversations? Well that rules out nearly every family gathering. Moving on.
Repeated the word "lady" too many times. No.
Wearing sunglasses. No.
Includes a picture of himself in front of a mirror (possibly even without a shirt). No.
Is that your sister or an ex in the photo with you? No. No. No.

Urgh! Stop the madness!! How does one make a choice? I'm not this critical when I meet someone in person.  Good thing I have a lot of faith in my friends.

Profiling

With every dating website comes the dreaded profile.  Unfortunately, it's not something I can avoid if I want to move to the actual dating stage.  Without enough space or patience to put my entire life story online, I struggle with what to keep and what to keep out. For my blog, let me start at the beginning and hit on the highlights:

I was shy around guys growing up, I had a lot of friends but mostly girls and I lived vicariously through their dating drama.  It wasn't until I went to college that I even started to become friends with guys and then it seemed that most of my friends were guys and I still wasn't dating much. Just before I finished my Masters degree I met someone.  What started as a summer fling, turned into a really great (and long) relationship. It ended on good terms but it ended so I moved on...literally and figuratively. I went abroad for a year and a half. Well, no time for serious dating while I wasn't even settled, so now I'm back and getting a bit more serious with my life in general.

Which brings me to today, and I'm back to the dreaded profile.  Let's see...
I hate writing profiles.  Too overdone. 
I like long walks on the beach.  Too cheesy
I'm fun, intelligent, enchanting and honest.  Too conceited.
I am using you for a social experiment. Too honest.

I think I'll stick with something short, sweet and to the point.

Making My Own Rules

I'm not getting any younger. I realize this isn't unique to me, but I have decided that I may actually want to age with someone rather than just watching myself age over time. Now that I'm finally attempting to settle down, I figured I would give the whole online dating thing a try. I've tried it before but got through only one date before getting too frustrated with the process to continue.  So this time with a twist...I choose a few friends to make the decisions for me.

I will definitely need a few ground rules:

1. I get the final say. Even though I'm giving up my right to initially choose, I still get a say in who I end up with, after all, I'd like to think I am a good judge of character. I don't plan to use this right of veto very often, but it's important to know that it's there.
2. Only my close friends (and occasionally family - i.e. my sister) will get to pick the guys I date.  I'm not giving this control to people that don't even know me. If you are fortunate enough to be chosen to help with this task you are welcome to ask anyone you would like, however, I expect you to make the final say.
3. I expect you, as my close friends, to make good decisions.  Don't purposely send me on a date with a meat head, unless you are trying to start a war and then beware for my chance to get even...[insert evil laugh here]
4. I plan to be up front with the guys I'm dating.  It's best to start with honesty anyway, right?  They may not know which of my friends made the choice but it's probably best if they know that my friends are behind it.  Besides, it gives me a good out if I'm not interested and a conversation topic for the ones that aren't capable of talking about anything else.
5. The names have been changed. I don't want to run the risk of embarrassing anyone, mostly me, so names and any other information that may give too much away has been changed for protective purposes.  Otherwise, the stories you read will be truth or most of it, for your entertainment.
6. I may develop rules as we go along.  If you have any reason to question this rule, please refer back to rule #1.